Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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