Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
