Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think I am morally bankrupt
Don't EVER smell your tampon
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
