Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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