I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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