My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Randomize
