how can u be prego again
I think my vagina is haunted
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
