I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
