I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
