yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
