Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
