There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
