Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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