i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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