I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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