tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
