fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I checked into jail on foursquare
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
