I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
