Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
