I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
