He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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