Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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