You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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