You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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