This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He better not be in your backpack
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
