You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
