i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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