this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
