I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
