I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
