Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
