I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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