I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
