forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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