I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Randomize
