theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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