Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
wow bdsm is so cute
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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