you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
