So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
