my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
