Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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