this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you will always have a special place in my vag
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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