I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
