i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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