Got a toothbrush?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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