i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
