just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
