so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
