the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
