look no pants
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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