I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
