I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
