the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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