Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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